


a cure I know that soothes the soul

by vounoura



Series: but my heart's in atrophy [2]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Romance, me bursting into the club: WHERE'S THE WLW CONTENT, this is literally wish fulfillment I love Xoti so much, this is technically Maia/Xoti/Watcher OT3 but. it's 98 percent Xoti/Watcher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 12:04:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20814872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vounoura/pseuds/vounoura
Summary: She's trying - in vain, she knows, but she's trying - to count the Watcher's freckles, tracing nameless patterns over the constellations they form across the expanse of her back when the question drifts to the forefront of her mind."When'd'you first go ahead and fall in love with me, Watcher?" Xoti grins, moving closer to capture the warmth of her skin against her front.





	a cure I know that soothes the soul

**Author's Note:**

> Eothas voice: wow Watcher how come you get to have TWO whole girlfriends

She's trying - in vain, she knows, but she's _ trying _ \- to count the Watcher's freckles, tracing nameless patterns over the constellations they form across the expanse of her back when the question drifts to the forefront of her mind.  
  
"When'd'you first go ahead and fall in love with me, Sara?" Xoti grins, moving closer to capture the warmth of her skin against her front. Sarahel doesn't answer immediately - opting instead for a soft, tired grunt, deep in her throat - but Xoti spies the tips of her ears darkening and she grins, softly.  
  
(And then she goes ahead and kisses those ears oh-so-softly, nibbles oh-so-gently in the way she's learned makes her shiver _ just _ so, because Sarahel makes her brave and by Gaun's grace she's never been able to keep her hands off this woman.)  
  
"It wasn't-" Sarahel starts, voice rough, when Xoti nips a reminder. "There wasn't, like - a single one moment or nothin'," Sarahel stops herself then, frowning in contemplation. "'Least, not from what I remember."  
  
Xoti pouts. "Aw, come on now, Sara." Xoti slides an arm over her hips and Hel, are all Sceltrfolc always this warm? "That can't be the whole story. There's gotta be more to it than just _ that_."  
  
Sarahel snorts, grabbing her hand and entwining their fingers. "Well, shit, Xoti, I dunno, I don't fuckin' write love novels for a livin'." Hylspeak bleeds into the edges of her words, loosened by tiredness - a full three seconds of silence stretches between them, until Xoti pointedly squeezes the palm currently resting in hers.  
  
Sarahel groans.  
  
"I don't _ know_," She repeats, finally, long-suffering, and though she's turned her face away from hers Xoti thinks she spies the red slowly-but-surely marching down her chest. "I guess I just - I guess I just liked spendin' time with you. Then one day I guess I realized you were actually _ very _ pretty and it was all downhill from there."  
  
Sarahel's voice tightens on every word. She can't see it, but Xoti's smile is soft, and she presses those lips to her shoulder softly.  
  
(It was arduous work, getting to have what they have. Slowly, painstakingly peeling back the layers of self-doubt and hatred and counterproductive love for a woman who never actually existed in this lifetime one by one; Xoti always feels guilty over that twinge of black jealousy she carries for the name _ Iovara_.

It's not like Sarahel can help it, she knows, carrying the burden of another life within the confines of her psyche. Xoti has enough trouble with just one.

Edér had warned her once - _ that woman's a lot more fragile than you think. I'd treat her like glass _ \- and she'd been offended until she heard he'd said the same thing to Maia, until she'd seen and experienced the depths of that fragility for herself.)  
  
"You think me pretty, Watcher?" Xoti grins, flushing prettily, pressing her mouth harder into the junction between neck and collarbone.  
  
"'Course?" Sarahel responds, eyebrow arching as she tosses an incredulous look over her shoulder. The movement forces Xoti's head out of the way and she pouts. "The prettiest." She adds, a moment later.

Xoti grins wider now, wickeder. "Prettier than Maia?" She asks, blinking innocently.  
  
Sarahel's features instantly cleave into exasperated disapproval. Xoti laughs. "C'mon now, when Maia ain't here to defend herself?"  
  
Xoti digs her nails into the back of Sarahel's palm, gently. "You still haven't answered my question. When did you get to thinkin' I was pretty, Sara?" She sidles closer, impossibly closer, ignoring Sarahel's groaned response of _ I've always thought you were pretty_, no matter how warm it makes her feel.  
  
"I dunno, uh -" Sarahel breathes, humming slightly as she thinks. "Wasn't like, anything special. Nothing that would be like, worth talkin' about. Think the campfire just hit you a certain way and that was it."  
  
Xoti presses her nose into her hair, nuzzling softly. "Suppose there's a beauty in that, ain't there?" She smells of oiled leather and dirt and, somehow, Aedyran spices. Xoti drinks her in like she needs her to live.  
  
"I love you," Xoti breathes, reverently, a few moments later, wishing she could somehow pull this woman closer because she doesn't think she'll ever have enough contact. And Sarahel stills and her breathing goes all funny and Xoti was expecting the fond _ yeah yeah _ or even just a contented nuzzle back, and the _ oddity _ of it all almost has her pulling away in confusion.  
  
"I -" And Sarahel's words catch on something unspoken and Xoti's breath stills in her throat, heart hammering against her ribcage.  
  
(Sarahel has never told her that she loves her, not outright. Oh, Xoti makes sure to say it at least twice a day and Sarahel has other ways of making her affections known, but Gaun knows it's always been so, _ so _ difficult for her to get those words out.  
  
Xoti doesn't know why. She's never asked - never felt the need to, and never has Maia either.)  
  
And she feels Sarahel's teeth grind, chewing the air behind her teeth, eyes unfocused, lips drawn taut, the grip on her hand so tight that it almost hurts but she's so focused she doesn't even notice the pressure -  
  
Sarahel's face twitches. The sky of freckles painted against her skin disappear in a wash of red. "I. Uh." She stammers, swallowing. Her hand feels cold. "I. I'm. I -" She shudders, and Xoti can't breathe because this is the farthest she's ever come. Sarahel drinks in a shuddering breath, holds it, exhales shakily.  
  
Her eyes slip closed. Sarahel's face is the perfect picture of vulnerability, the same kind that had her saying _ I need you for always _ all those months ago and Xoti's afraid to move, to breathe, to _ speak _ because if she does she'll break it. Sarahel breathes in shuddering breaths and Xoti holds her close and _ hopes - _  
  
Sarahel is so quiet Xoti barely hears her, almost misses the words whispered into the sheets. "I love you too," She says, and Xoti almost tries pinching herself because this _ has _ to be a dream.  
  
(She feels so _light_, so warm that she wouldn't be surprised if they started calling her the second coming of St. Waidwen right about now.)  
  
And that's when Xoti rolls over and kisses her fully, deeply, abandoning the hand in her grip so that she can stroke the planes of Sarahel's face with both hands. And Sarahel's mouth is chapped as usual and the piercing beneath her lip presses into her chin and scars run wickedly beneath her fingers and Xoti can't help but think that this is everything she's ever wanted in her life.  
  
Sarahel's hands weave through her hair and pull her closer and Xoti wants to curse out everyone who ever said that the Watcher was uncouth and rough around the edges and nothing more than a glorified criminal - because while Sarahel definitely is at least _ some _ of those things Xoti doesn't think selfish criminals kiss as softly as this.  
  
(Do criminals whisper _ I love you _ against her mouth when she pulls away, just slightly?  
  
Do criminals roll her over, leaning down to whisper it against her throat?  
  
Do criminals whisper it against the back of her neck, into her hair like a prayer, later, when her lantern has long since burned low?  
  
Do criminals whisper it again across the table like a secret in the morning, over breakfast, mouth twitching at the corners when she blushes to her ears?

Xoti doesn't think so.)

**Author's Note:**

> Sarahel is 100% an uncouth criminal btw
> 
> (title is from Moment's Silence (Common Tongue) by Hozier.)


End file.
